What does “happily-ever-after” look like to you?

A young couple I know are planning a June wedding. There’s talk about the dresses, flowers and reception but nothing about what their lives will look like after the honeymoon.
We all know people who enjoyed the perfect fairy tale wedding. Are they all still living happily ever after years later?  Some are, but many are struggling with disappointments because their lives together don’t match their expectations. They may have been so focused on the fairy tale wedding that they forgot to plan the happily-ever-after.
No long term relationship survives without the ability to adjust to unexpected challenges. People grow and change and their relationship changes too.
Business, like marriage, has to remain flexible. The business you start now is not likely to resemble the business you have in a few years. Still, like marriage, if you don’t have a clear vision of how you want that business success to look and feel, your odds not good.
Two entrepreneurs I admire published articles this weekend that talk about envisioning what it means to succeed.
Rasheed Hooda’s question, “What does happily ever after look like?” is an important one to ask yourself at the start of any new endeavor. Read his post at Present Day Nomad.

In her weekly newsletter yesterday, Sandy Dempsey posed the question: “What does success look like?”. If you aren’t already a subscriber to Sandy’s newsletter, I invite you to join me Sunday mornings at The Dreaming Cafe..

He Eats, Sleeps, Writes in Italy-Makes a Living and Improves Lives

Can you imagine making a great living sampling home made pasta, tiramisu and gelato, schmoozing with the proprietors and then snuggling up in a cozy bed and breakfast overlooking Lake Como?  And knowing you’re improving lives of thousands?

My friend  Barbara Winter brought this little video to my attention.  Rick Steves talks about his joy at having found his own right livelihood.
http://tinyurl.com/yga7tzq

Note that he says he enjoys visiting these people who have found their niche.

While he isn’t directly solving world hunger or righting an injustice, consider the ways his business is improving lives.  He’s not only making a living doing what he loves but making a difference in the lives of thousands of entrepreneurs by recommending their establishments. He’s also enriching the lives of all his readers and viewers who might never experience foreign cultures if he didn’t show them how they can do it in style on a budget.

Your own business may not change the world tomorrow but how can you improve the lives of a group of people by sharing what you know and love?

If you know you want to find more meaning in your livelihood doing what you love and making a difference in a few lives, your community or the world, March is the time to step up and get started.

Are you having trouble figuring out how doing what you love can improve lives and earn the income you need?

In honor of what my friend Alice Barry ( “Entertaining the Idea”) calls the Month of More Meaning, I’ve bundled my “Idea Generating”sessions and you can now sign up for a package of 3 Private One-to-One Phone Sessions with me for $270. My single session rate is $185 an hour but because NOW is the TIME to TAKE ACTION, I’m opening up a limited number of session hours to a select few who are ready to MARCH.

This month only, until the slots fill, you can purchase a
3 Session Package for $270 ( less than half the usual hourly rate.)

Find out More about these Idea Generator Sessions

STOP beating yourself up for not accomplishing what you planned to earlier this year. Forget those New Years resolutions. January and February are hibernation months in nature for a reason. But, March is time to SPRING into action!

Are you sending the message “I am not a good investment.”?

In a blog post earlier this week, titled ‘The Natural Habitat of Winners’ Barbara Winter said, “When you are willing to spend your time and money to expose yourself to new ideas, new techniques for doing things, and new people who can add their enthusiasm to your dreams, you’re also sending a strong message to your subconscious mind about your own worth.”

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been receiving emails from readers saying they’d love to attend the Inspired Livelihood Workshop in Sedona but don’t have (or think they should spend) the money right now.

When I had my last retail business, my friends with neighboring shops used to complain about how slow business was and when they asked why I was doing so well, I cited advertising as one reason I had more customers and better sales. Of course, these merchants would complain that they didn’t have enough money to spend on advertising because business was slow.  They also didn’t have fresh, timely merchandise because they wouldn’t spend the money to attend trade shows and keep up on current trends. This thinking made no sense to me as I watched many of them go out of business. When things are slow, that’s when it’s most important to spend money to make them better.

“In times of change,” said Eric Hoffer, “learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.“

The *Early Bird price of the workshop is $397.  That’s for 2 days of focus on your business in a small group with three entrepreneurs who’ve made a career of making a living without a job by investing time and money in lifelong learning. While those who use lack of funds as a reason to not invest in themselves are still stuck in unsatisfying careers, even in what the media calls a weak economy,  weekend workshops with price tags of $3000. are full with hundreds of attendees. I’ve met entrepreneurs at those workshops who “couldn’t afford the tuition but couldn’t afford NOT to attend.” It’s no coincidence that the following year, those same entrepreneurs who knew they were worth the investment were back with stories of prosperity and satisfaction.

Not investing this way also sends a strong message. As Sondra Ray says, “When you say, ‘I don’t have enough money to go to that self-improvement seminar or buy that book, it’s almost like saying, ‘I am not a good investment.’ The best way to make money is to invest in yourself.

Are you worth it?

Barbara knows, “If you truly want to join the winner’s circle, take advantage of every  resource you can find. You never know what might happen if you do.

You could be sitting in a roomful of strangers and suddenly meet yourself.”
Read Barbara’s full article here

Thanks for caring about the planet we share.
Terri

PS *After March 15, the price of the workshop goes up to $497
learn more about the event HERE

How Well Do you Really Know Yourself?

I apologize for being so quiet recently and will explain in a future email. Much has been happening in my personal and business life and one tool that’s been an enormous help to me through this transition is journaling. I’ve been journaling for years but a few months ago, I took an online “Journaling for Self Discovery” workshop with my good friend Sandy Dempsey, founder of the Dreaming Café. The 4-week workshop. gave me fresh new insight into who I am and what really matters now. So, I’ve invited Sandy to write a guest post today and I want to encourage you to take advantage of the great deal she’s offering on the last workshop of 2009. Even if you’ve been journaling for years, you’ll gain valuable insight into your life purpose through this guided journaling process.
Thank you for the generous opportunity to tell your readers about The Dreaming Café’s 4-week online Journaling for Self-Discovery workshop.

I’ve been journaling for more almost thirty years. Journaling has been my constant companion. All of life’s ups downs and everything in between lives in my journals. I have stacks of them. They are wonderful documentaries of my life.

When people think of journaling a lot of times they think about recording the traumatic or painful events in their life. They turn to journaling as an outlet for their overwhelming emotions.

I’ve used journaling for this same purpose, but I’ve also discovered that journaling can be so much more than just a diary of pain; it can be a diary of joy. I discovered the power of positive journaling and journaling for self-discovery.

Journaling has been one of the main keys that have helped to me discover, and accept, who I am, what I am, what I want to be and where I want to go.

The things I have learned and the exercises I have used have been so life changing that I wanted to share them with others.

The Dreaming Cafe’s online Journaling for Self-Discovery workshop is designed to help you achieve greater personal awareness and establish a regular, positive journaling practice through accountability and feedback.

If you were doing these exercises on your own, you may or may not finish them. Knowing that you will post them each week provides accountability. Once posted, I will provide feedback and answer questions to help you dig a little deeper, or just provide a positive mirroring of your responses.

This online workshop is designed to prove a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere where you can explore who you are and what you want.

This is the last workshop for 2009 and will provide a wonderful foundation to meet your dreams head-on in 2010.

Journaling for Self-Discovery is designed to help you:

· Achieve greater personal awareness

· Establish a regular, positive journaling practice

· Identify & define your personal values and life themes

· Acknowledge the things you love and want

· Prepare to choose a dream or goal that aligns with your personal values and life themes

· Begin writing a Life Mission Statement

The next workshop begins November 22, 2009.

Since this is the last workshop of 2009 and to celebrate my Get Inspired Project interview (http://www.getinspiredproject.com/2009/11/06/day-37-sandy-dempsey/) I am taking 50% off the regular price of this workshop.. Use discount code GIP1109 when you register. Go to: http://dreamingcafe.eventbrite.com for more information and to register.

Thank you again and happy journaling!!

Warmest Regards,

Sandy Dempsey

Sandy is the founder of The Dreaming Café – A Destination Oasis on Your Creative Journey to Self Discovery.  If you aren’t already subscribing to her delicious Free newsletter, go here

Are you Being Authentic in you Business and your Life?

I am embarrassed to admit that while I help others realize their authentic livelihood,  I feel like a bit of a fraud. I have not been completely transparent with my readers. I feel like a hypocrite because I emphasize publicly that living an ideal livelihood means letting the world see your vulnerabilities and yet I keep a secret for fear of being seen as weak.

You only know my secret if you’ve been to the movies, the post office, bank, or airport with me and noticed that I am on the floor pretending to tie my shoes (even if they are flip flops) or you’ve had to hold my place in line while I pace around. Maybe we’ve met at a networking event and one minute I am standing there chatting with you, the next I am on the floor. You see, while I maintain this image of the vibrant, active entrepreneur, when I stand still for a while, I faint. There. I got it out and you probably haven’t clicked away and decided never to read my blog again.

So why do I keep this essential fact so closely guarded as if it a strike against my character? I don’t know. But I do know that it takes a lot of energy to act healthy and if I were to simply tell you that I need to interrupt you and sit down, you would have my complete attention because I wouldn’t be distracted standing there worrying about fainting.

This fainting is only a symptom of a pretty complex issue that I won’t get into here but it does interfere with my work and social life. There are times when I have to cancel appointments or disappear from cyberspace because I am unwell. When friends and regular followers don’t see my posts or “tweets” they wonder why I have suddenly gone silent. I realize now that they probably think I have gone out of business or just lost interest.

Please believe me, that is not the case. I love my work but there are times when I have had to isolate and rest. During those periods, my mind still spins with business ideas for you and I am anxious to feel better and share them. Meanwhile, please accept my apologies for disappearing without explanation. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerabilities. That’s part of discovering your authentic livelihood.

Do you waste energy protecting an image of strength? Are there issues that you are being less than authentic about? How can letting go of that control and being open about your vulnerabilities free you up to be more present in your business and you life? As always, you are invited to share your insights and comments.

Do you Still Suffer Office Mentality?

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but it’s a weekly surprise to me to see tweets declaring “Thank God it’s Friday”. I assume most of the people I follow are either self employed or aspiring entrepreneurs and it makes me wonder how satisfied and successful they are or will be if they view “work” as something to get through, something to do for 5 days and then celebrate a break for two.

I want to believe that the people who spend their week aiming for the weekend are still in jobs they are strategically striving to escape, that they see the weekend as a time to focus on building the bridge to their entrepreneurial dreams. I know many of those I follow are writers and artists who are working to create a livelihood that will eventually lead away from the day job. It makes sense that they would look forward to the weekend as time to hone their craft, create product and make concrete plans to work at what they love. My surprise, though, comes from those I know are already self employed who still see their “work” life as Monday through Friday. Maybe it’s the result of years of conditioning in the same way that I still, three decades after finishing school, view September as the beginning of a new year.

I wonder, though, how likely is someone who sees their business as a chore to be gotten to the end of and escaped for two days to have long term success? Now, I don’t expect every entrepreneur to be a workaholic. I recognize that my tendency, even on vacation, to view everything as a business opportunity is viewed by friends and family as obsessive. It does seem though that someone who still views their life in segments of work time and play time has not found their ideal livelihood.

What about you? Are you still operating in office mentality? Do you view your work life as separate from your leisure time? Is this out of habit or do you look forward to the weekend as a time to escape your career and try not to think about your business? Or do you find yourself so excited and enthusiastic about your livelihood that you don’t even realize when it’s time to stop and prepare a meal? Do you get so engrossed in your work that you have to set an alarm to remind you to pick up the kids or walk the dog?

If you have found your ideal livelihood, most likely you find it so satisfying that you have no sense of separation between work and life. Do you think I’m idealistic? Ask someone who is making a living doing what they were born to do. They will tell you that they do feed the kids and walk the dog. They do spend time with friends and enjoy leisure activities. But Friday is just another day.

What about you? Have you found your ideal livelihood?

Mudpies, Fingerpaint and Creative Block

A theme seems to have emerged among my entrepreneurial “peeps” recently about creativity, creative blocks and self expression.  Some of my favorite bloggers, Sandy Dempsey (thedreamingcafe.com) and Ken Robert (Mildlycreative.com)  have posted on the topic recently. This got me thinking about the art classes I’ve taught and attended over the years, the “creative” writing instruction our children are exposed to and how so much of it stifles our expressive flow. 

As a fine arts and art education major, I was immersed in theory and technique. While developing those skills was necessary in order to implement the images dancing around in my head, a focus on “getting it right” got in the way of getting the feeling down. As my work moved towards precision, it moved away from expression, became stiff and too cerebral. In other words, I spent too much studio time in my head instead of my heart. For me, the process of painting became joyless when I began judging my work on outcome. 

I realize that classic elements and theory in visual art, music, dance or writing are vital aspects of a solid education in the arts. I cringe when I read grammatical errors in literature. But how do we balance the mastery of the details with letting the creative light flow from our inner source? 

I recall a conflict with the director of the preschool where I first “taught art” in my early twenties. I used my alloted art instruction time to expose the children to elements of design, showing them how a squiggly line gives a different feel than a straight line and how muddy colors put them in a different mood than bright or pastel colors. I helped them observe how objects further away were less vibrant and smaller than those in the foreground.  Pretty complex concepts for a preschooler, yet they appeared to grasp the basics because we made it fun.  I showed them the color wheel and then let them “play” with mixing colors. Some of the exercises were eatable. Ketchup and mustard make orange. Add mayonnaise and you get peach or what we in those days so socially inappropriately referred to as “skin tone.” 

When introducing the kids to the works of different masters, I tried to make it fun and relevant for them. We had a Jackson Pollack morning when the kids squirted different colored icing all over white sheet cakes and then got to eat their “paintings.”

None of this went over well with the director who said she understood the purpose but wanted to please the parents who didn’t understand why their kids weren’t coming home with identical turkey crafts at Thanksgiving or gingerbread men at Christmas. We butted heads, I stuck to my guns and knew I needed to be self employed soon. 

Fast forward three decades and  I missed the creative process. I’d let it go, I believed, in the interest of earning a living selling other artists work. The truth was, I had stopped creating because when I tried to “do it right” it lost it’s joy for me. I enrolled in creative workshops with descriptions like “Intuitive Water Color” and “Painting from the Soul”.  The first day or so in these classes, I was able to get out of my head and connect more with my heart. the expression flowed and it was joyful. Imagines were forming on the paper, bypassing my head. I swear some of them emerged from deep in my bones, almost as if my DNA knew things I couldn’t possibly know. 

Then came the “sharing” and suddenly I was judging my art. In one workshop, the facilitator, a psychologist, had us “act out” our paintings. When I returned to the act of painting after that, the flow was blocked. I knew I’d have to dramatize what I painted and again became attached to outcome. Once I knew what came out of my hand would be analyzed, I froze. 

When my son, Todd, was young, he loved to write. His work had a fresh, open tone. Then an adult in his life began correcting his grammar and punctuation mid stream and he gradually stopped writing for pleasure. He also loved to go to the piano and just “play” as opposed to reading music. Then, lessons meant practice and correction and while he played well once he understood theory, he no longer “composed.” 

 

We’ve all known kids who after their first ballet lessons were discouraged from continuing because they lacked grace and poise.  I think about how different the experience would have been if the same child had been put in a room without mirrors and encouraged to just “feel” the music and move freely without attachment to appearance. 

 

I recognize that if someone is planning a career in the arts, it’s vital to master technique but what about all of us who were either discouraged because we weren’t “naturals” or eliminated ourselves from the creative game because we judged our outward appearance? 

Looking back over my teaching and learning experiences, I am convinced we should all spend more time finger painting, drumming on pots and pans and dancing blindfolded. 

What are your creative blocks? What puts you in the flow? When was the last time you made mud pies or painted with your toes?

Why are these Young Actors More Likely to Succeed at a Career in the Performing Arts?

This evening I had the privilege of witnessing a gifted group of young artists perform in an old warehouse studio in Cincinnati.  Six of the 14 teenagers, second year students with an independent theatre group, performed a first run play that asks the question, “What would happen if the story of Snow White took place today?”  The other eight actors, first year participants, each wrote and performed a 3 minute vignette. These   scenes, some serious drama and others humorous, each very different in theme and style, dealt with life issues and dilemmas not normally associated with teenage conversation.

 

Some of these 16 to 18 year-olds attended a charter public school for the creative and performing arts. Others were involved in theatre departments in their high schools. Some will be entering drama programs at universities in the fall.  Some are from the inner city. None are from affluent areas.  And all appeared to have the support of their families and friends. 

 

Seeing these young people so passionate about their craft and full of hope for their futures was so refreshing. I only hope that they can hold onto their dreams instead of turning into who they believe they’re expected to be and then realizing at 50 how far from their true north they’ve wandered as so many people do. Some will stick the course, though, and what will make the difference for them is the support they feel from their family and friends. Some of the parents are obviously concerned about how their sons or daughters will support themselves in what they know can be a roller-coaster ride of a career. Yet, many are borrowing money against the equity in their homes or doing whatever creative financing they can to fund a college education for their children knowing that the investment will not result in a six figure job offer upon graduation. 

 

I believe these students are likely to realize their dreams of a career in the performing arts. Not because they have more talent, better training or connections than some other aspiring actors but because they have the love and support of people who believe in them. 

 

I would not be surprised to learn that some of these supportive parents have spent years following someone else’s dream and are willing to do whatever it takes to enable their children to follow their own. With those they love rooting for them, they’re bound to succeed on whatever paths they choose. What better gift could a parent give their child than faith in their ability to succeed in their authentic livelihood?

Rediscover Forgotten Dreams, Rekindle your Passion, Renew an Old Relationship

Bookstores and the internet are chock full of resources to help you find your passion and  rediscover yourself. Most of us over a certain age have shelves lined with “rediscovering yourself in the second half of life” and bookmarked sites for “finding your true direction”. They’re all valuable tools and combined with live workshops and one-on -one coaching, people do often discover what makes them tick and develop a mission. But if you really want to get back in touch with forgotten dreams, the best source is an old friend, someone who knew you before you unlearned  what you already knew, before you traded in that innate wisdom for the knowledge of conformity.

I’m not talking about a sibling or life long friend you’ve kept in touch with over the years. Their image of you is who you’ve become. The most valuable source for getting back in touch with your core values is someone you shared secrets and dreams with before you you became the responsible, practical adult who put your own dreams on the back burner. If you’re fortunate enough to renew that relationship, you’ll likely uncover some precious pieces of the YOU that have been eluding you.

In the past year, thanks to the internet, several friends from my youth have contacted me. Since  I use social networking sites mainly for business relationships,  I don’t expect to see faces from long ago and definitely don’t go searching them out, so it’s a delightful surprise to hear from these long lost friends.

Because I had supportive parents and wasn’t pressured into being something I’m not, I believed I’d stayed pretty true to my core values and hadn’t really lost touch with my dreams. But decades of marriage and motherhood do change our focus and I also put everyone’s happiness and well being ahead of my own. I think it’s genetic programing. Even self actualized, liberated women can lose a piece of themselves while holding together a family. And connecting with people who knew you before career, mortgage and taxes skewed your life view, can trigger memories of buried dreams.

In recent months, I’ve had the fortune of hearing from a childhood friend, a high school buddy and a college room mate, all people I was close to but lost touch with in adulthood. These are people who knew me when listening to my heart and holding fast to my convictions was still a given. 

Two weeks ago I returned from “Follow Through Camp” with Barbara Winter, Alice Barry, Sandy Dempsey and my tribe of inspired change agents, fired up to recharge the part of my business I’m most passionate about.  As if to confirm that it’s time to focus on that dream, I found in my mailbox a Facebook  message from someone I hadn’t spoken with in over 30 years, a friend who knew me when I still thought of myself as an artist, a teacher and saw life as an enormous canvas on which I would color a better world .  The most valuable insights have been though late night emails about what mattered then. 

I’m not referring to romance here but to two people who are reminding each other of who they each were when making a living, making a life and making a difference was a given not an option. 

If you’re fortunate to have had a friend who knew you then, when your goals were to live from the inside out,  find that friend. If they don’t offer it up, ask questions. What do they remember you talking about?  Do they remember something you got so excited about that you could think of nothing else? Ask then to describe the essence of the YOU they remember. 

Short of finding your childhood diaries, this is the sharpest lens on who you were and the most direct road back to finding your true north.

Your Ideal Livelihood-Work Where, How and When you Wish

In her “Support your Wanderlust”  class, my friend and mentor, Barbara Winter, tells the story of writing a report in high school about wanting to be a flight attendant. She yearned to travel and figured working for the airlines was a means to see the world. She also had absolutely no idea what the job entailed as she’d never been on a plane but obviously,  serving drinks and instructing passengers on proper use of their oxygen masks would not have satisfied her desire to see the world. Barbara was wise to recognize early on that in order to have the travel experience she dreamed of, she could design a career for herself that pays her to do what she loves, which is teaching and speaking in her ideal environment, conference rooms around the world.

 A group of traveling nurses were in my gallery in California. Hearing them talk about choosing where to work for 3 months contracts, all expenses paid anywhere in the world, while they sent money back home to Kansas or Nebraska, I was intrigued. When I told them it sounded like they had the ideal job, one asked if ever considered nursing school.  When I answered, “No, I’m too squeamish-just the smell of hospitals makes me nauseous”, they all laughed. “But you get paid to travel to beautiful places like this.”  The nurses reminded me that I didn’t have to find a job that took me to a lovely coastal town-I lived here. They all thought I had the ideal job, working for myself. And I realized, they were right. (and they didn’t even know that I had just popped in briefly to pick up the previous day’s deposit before heading to the beach for a walk. They also didn’t know that I frequently traveled wherever I wanted on my own time while trusted employees continued to keep the business rolling and put money in the bank.) 

As you consider a career change, rather than look at the perks and benefits of a job, think first about what you want your day to look like. Do you want to be at home, in an office or outdoors?  Will you enjoy spending your days alone or will you crave company? How can you find a balance of solitude and social contact? Does being in one location all the time appeal to you or do you prefer more mobility? Is having your pet or child with you a priority? Do you see yourself wearing comfy sweats or do you enjoy dressing up? What’s you ideal work schedule? You may love to bake but if you’re not a morning person, opening a bakery probably isn’t your ideal livelihood. Consider your environment. Not just visually. What about the temperature? Don’t laugh-it matters. Years ago I studied healing arts and developed a thriving bodywork practice. I was in my element in a dimly lit room with soothing music and the aromatic herbs. I made my own schedule and could travel and spend time with family. I had a natural intuition about what a body needed and my clients were happy. I also faint when I stand for long periods, particularly in a small, hot space. Environment matters.

Before focusing on an actual occupation, close your eyes and visualize your ideal environment. Consider all your senses and sensitivities, your body clock and what makes you tick. Yes, you may have to make some compromises, but this is your chance to design your ideal livelihood. Make it work for you.

 

  

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